A couple of days ago I took this picture. A friend and I were travelling on a roadtrip in Norway. It was good but hard sometimes. Sometimes life gets compared with a road. For me it hasn´t always been an easy road. But like with this picture, it seems that at least I am going somewhere good. I hope that it is the same for you.
God is love
It was summer. We all drove motorcycles and gathered every afternoon at the recreational places of our suburb. We would hang out, talk about nothing and everything, smoke cigarettes whilst watching kids play on the playground. It was then when I first heard mentioning your name. Jim … You had gone to the States to play basketball. I believe they had offered you a place in a college just to play ball. I don´t remember exactly. You were an Antwerp prodigy…
Not much later I saw you for the first time. A massive blond guy with a big smile, playing ball. You hadn´t succeeded in the States, no more ball in the States. Your friends told me you had changed a lot in that year. It must have been the second half of the eighties …
Later I met you again. You were a friend of my friends and you were still always smiling. We would meet in glamorous clubs and bars and hangout with our ´posse´. There was one regular club I would always go to and you were also always there. This place, the first time I went there it spooked me a bit, the brick walls, the fog, the chandeliers, the darkness, but somehow it had become my favourite place of all. I called this place my second ´home´ because I felt so good there, Café d´Anvers … an almost legendary club.
Pictures taken from the internet …
In those days we ended up doing a lot of drugs. It was only one year of my life, but I really got addicted to amfetamines, marihuana and MDMA. Everybody we knew was using it. Life was one big party. In those days my friends and me we would be smart. We wouldn´t buy drugs in the club, but we would buy them in advance, that way it was cheaper and safer. We always would buy twenty or thirty XTC-tablets at one go so we could save on the price. I kind of remember that after a dealer had been arrested you took over his business and we started buying pills from you.
A few times we did business. I think maybe two times I bought pills from you. I would call you, you would tell me a place where I should go and there I would wait for you in the car. After a few minutes you would enter the car, give me the pills and then you would leave with the money. I was always very scared. Not because of you but because of secret police or something. I always feared they would have a phone tap on you or that they would be shadowing you. I could see myself get arrested, maybe even lose my car and my job, “O-o-oh I shouldn´t use those amfetamines, they make me paranoid.” We were the year 1998.
Not much later I had a psychosis … It was a weird time, I lost all my friends. Nobody understood me and I was pretty much afraid of everyone. You probably heard about it, everybody in the club knew I guess. The psychosis lasted quite a while. Suddenly I had only friends in my head … Since the psychosis life has been a bit of a struggle. I saw you again last year. You were driving a nice classy Volvo. In it there was sitting a woman and some kids. I remember being jealous seeing you, my life is quite messy, you see … and lots of times I feel as if I am being punished for something. You seemed to me very lucky. I remember wondering, ´Why me and not him ?´
We´re 2015 now. Last week I checked my Facebook and through a friend I ended up on your page. We´re not friends on Facebook, I just saw your name and felt like klicking it. I wanted to see how you were doing, you know. Lots of people have posted stuff on your page. They seem quite sad. It seems that you decided to take your own life only a few weeks ago. I don´t know why as I don´t know too much about you. It just seems like such a waste to me, Jim. A lot of people are struggling … I wish there was something I could have done.
You are out there somewhere. Christians down here are saying you´re not going to heaven, I am not sure of this. I just don´t know. I wonder how you are Jim, are you doing okay ? Why did you end your life ? I also always have demons chasing me … Did they win ?
Well, I know there is more to life … but maybe I can write something about that a bit later. I hope you are doing okay bro, hope you are okay.
When I´m out of inspiration or just lost … you will always find me at the waterside …
I like this one because it is also so figurative. Like an invitation into heaven …
The next picture is taken one hundred meters away from there and is just a summer shot bustling with activity
Same water, different day … 🙂
As I have been away for a while this is the first post since March … Yesterday I managed to take some pictures of a rainbow. I was with some friends so I did also a picture of them…
What do you think, they are taken with the Iphone 5s …
With this last one maybe my hand was shaking a bit , ;D
Greets !
Last night I had a terrible dream. A ghost with a camera was standing next to my bed. I was in panic and woke up bathing in sweat, when I checked my camera I found this …
It´s a mystery !
I feel like today I could have taken some better pictures, but here they are …
I kind of liked the light in the room, but didn´t capture it completely … it was afternoon.
Joachim is standing right in the sun and therefore squints …
🙂 … the sun is too bright … I should have come back a bit later maybe.
Next, some warmth but actually not from the light, it was very dark in the stable … (iso 3200)
This is a picture from our main building in the evening light, quite warm I would say …
Greetings !
Out for another walk, spring is coming … water is finding it´s way.
Meanwhile high in the trees …
I think it is beautiful … 
water is finding its way through the ice … in the background there is ´the vikingship´.
That was it for today. 🙂
I think my friend´s truck is quite big …
He just cleaned it … Do you like how the house reflects in the window ?
also in the next one I like the reflecting colors on the grill …
This window is just very big.
It´s up for sale , you want it ? It´s in perfect condition !
In the evening we played some pool … me and Svein Ola … we used a huge cue ball.
Thanks, see you tomorrow !
First of all I need some connection with upstairs …
Today I had some time and started with a bicycle ride to find photo´s on solitude …
It speaks for itself …
a bit further a looked down the road and felt quite lonely …
I decided a bit later to go to the lake …
A diving board without water … (in wintertime there is always a lot less water in the lake).
A lonely pier …
nobody here …
I love it !!! 🙂
written with love
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